1
00:00:01,871 --> 00:00:04,221
[theme music playing]

2
00:00:55,707 --> 00:00:57,709
ANNOUNCER: Okay. 3-1, Giants. Two outs, two on,

3
00:00:57,709 --> 00:00:59,798
bottom of the ninth. Three and two on Hodges.

4
00:00:59,798 --> 00:01:01,931
-Maglie deals.
-[bat strikes ball]

5
00:01:01,931 --> 00:01:04,412
It's cut on and belted to deep left field.

6
00:01:04,412 --> 00:01:07,371
Back goes Mueller. A-way back to the wall!

7
00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:08,851
It's a three-run homer for Gil Hodges!

8
00:01:08,851 --> 00:01:10,200
[mumbling] She's gone.

9
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,681
The Dodgers go
from bums to kings

10
00:01:12,681 --> 00:01:14,552
and win it 4-3!

11
00:01:14,552 --> 00:01:17,033
Come on, Frank.Shut up, will ya?

12
00:01:17,033 --> 00:01:19,601
Geez, it's 4-3in the morning.

13
00:01:19,601 --> 00:01:21,211
This game will be rebroadcast

14
00:01:21,211 --> 00:01:23,692
at 1200 hours on Armed Forces Radio.

15
00:01:23,692 --> 00:01:25,389
Frank, come on!

16
00:01:25,389 --> 00:01:28,218
Oh, stop dreaming
and go back to sleep.

17
00:01:29,567 --> 00:01:31,569
Oh, that makes good nonsense.

18
00:01:33,789 --> 00:01:35,617
-Hawkeye.
-Yeah?

19
00:01:35,617 --> 00:01:37,271
Wake up, Hawkeye.

20
00:01:37,271 --> 00:01:38,837
The stove in
our tent went out.

21
00:01:38,837 --> 00:01:40,665
-Again?-It's freezing in there.

22
00:01:40,665 --> 00:01:44,495
-It's warm in here.
-There are four of us.

23
00:01:44,495 --> 00:01:46,497
I knew I should havegotten a bigger bed.

24
00:01:46,497 --> 00:01:48,108
FRANK:
Can you people
hold it down?

25
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:51,241
I mean, show
some consideration.

26
00:01:51,241 --> 00:01:53,678
I don't remember leavinga wake-up scream.

27
00:01:53,678 --> 00:01:55,463
Thanks, Hawkeye.You're the only onewho can fix it.

28
00:01:55,463 --> 00:01:56,768
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.

29
00:01:56,768 --> 00:01:57,900
-B.J.?
-Hmm?

30
00:01:57,900 --> 00:01:59,554
If I'm not back
in five minutes,

31
00:01:59,554 --> 00:02:00,990
don't come and get me.

32
00:02:07,214 --> 00:02:08,650
Good night, Frank!

33
00:02:12,871 --> 00:02:14,786
Here he is, girls,
Handy Andy.

34
00:02:14,786 --> 00:02:15,961
Hey, Mr. Fix It.

35
00:02:15,961 --> 00:02:17,354
Let's hear it
for the janitor.

36
00:02:17,354 --> 00:02:18,660
[applause, cheering]

37
00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:20,749
Thank you. Thank you
very much. Thank you.

38
00:02:20,749 --> 00:02:22,838
Thank you, Hawkeye.
It's freezing.

39
00:02:22,838 --> 00:02:25,232
Well, what do you expect?Springtime in Korea.

40
00:02:25,232 --> 00:02:26,363
[banging on metal]

41
00:02:26,363 --> 00:02:28,104
You should feel honored.

42
00:02:28,104 --> 00:02:30,106
We chose you 'cause youhave the best hands in camp.

43
00:02:30,106 --> 00:02:31,934
I try to keep in touch.

44
00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:36,156
Be careful, Hawkeye.

45
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,027
-[explosion]
-ALL: [screaming]

46
00:02:38,027 --> 00:02:40,856
Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!

47
00:02:40,856 --> 00:02:43,728
Oh, knock it off, Pierce.

48
00:02:43,728 --> 00:02:46,166
[indistinct shouting]

49
00:02:48,733 --> 00:02:50,866
Radar, call
the 121st Evac.

50
00:02:50,866 --> 00:02:52,781
I want their
ophthalmologist.

51
00:02:52,781 --> 00:02:55,000
Tell 'em we got a boy
with flash burns.

52
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,524
Major James Overman.

53
00:02:56,524 --> 00:02:59,179
Get his keister
up here pronto.

54
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,745
Get him in here,
quick now, B.J.!

55
00:03:00,745 --> 00:03:02,269
Get me in there quick.
I can't see anything!

56
00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:03,574
[shouting continues]

57
00:03:03,574 --> 00:03:05,054
Now look, you dumb clerk.

58
00:03:05,054 --> 00:03:06,403
I'll tell you this once,

59
00:03:06,403 --> 00:03:08,057
and I want you
to get it straight.

60
00:03:08,057 --> 00:03:10,059
This is General
Walter O'Reilly.

61
00:03:10,059 --> 00:03:12,627
Three stars and real mad.

62
00:03:12,627 --> 00:03:14,106
If Major Overman isn't
over here by the time

63
00:03:14,106 --> 00:03:15,804
they crack my powdered
eggs for breakfast,

64
00:03:15,804 --> 00:03:17,458
I'll have you
digging a latrine

65
00:03:17,458 --> 00:03:19,677
for every G.I. in Korea!

66
00:03:19,677 --> 00:03:21,940
You got that? Good!

67
00:03:29,470 --> 00:03:30,645
How's that feel?

68
00:03:30,645 --> 00:03:32,255
Blind.

69
00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:34,779
Okay, Hawkeye, you take it
easy for a couple of days.

70
00:03:34,779 --> 00:03:35,998
I'll be back Friday.

71
00:03:35,998 --> 00:03:38,305
Listen, uh, oneimportant question.

72
00:03:38,305 --> 00:03:40,611
Will I get to keepmy nickname?

73
00:03:40,611 --> 00:03:41,873
Let's hope so.

74
00:03:41,873 --> 00:03:43,614
Just wondering
if I should rent

75
00:03:43,614 --> 00:03:45,834
a seeing eye dog or buy one.

76
00:03:45,834 --> 00:03:48,358
See you Friday.

77
00:03:48,358 --> 00:03:50,578
Tell me, Sherm, whereis this General O'Reilly?

78
00:03:50,578 --> 00:03:51,753
Who?

79
00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:55,017
Oh, well,
let me explain.

80
00:03:55,017 --> 00:03:57,193
We're really sorry,
Hawkeye.

81
00:03:57,193 --> 00:03:59,239
You don't have to shout.The sides still work.

82
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,066
-We're sorry.
-That's all right.

83
00:04:01,066 --> 00:04:03,025
Next time,get a union man.

84
00:04:03,025 --> 00:04:04,548
Hawk, if there's
anything you need...

85
00:04:04,548 --> 00:04:06,463
Well, if you'regoing by the P.X.,

86
00:04:06,463 --> 00:04:08,596
you could get me
a coloring book
and some crayons.

87
00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:10,946
I think you're sick enoughto qualify for the big box.

88
00:04:10,946 --> 00:04:12,252
I gotta go.

89
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,383
-B.J.?
-Yeah?

90
00:04:14,776 --> 00:04:16,908
Visit me a couplehundred times, will ya?

91
00:04:16,908 --> 00:04:18,258
At least.

92
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:34,012
Nurse? Nurse?

93
00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:35,666
What's the matter?

94
00:04:35,666 --> 00:04:38,103
My arm's numb.
I-I think it's asleep.

95
00:04:38,103 --> 00:04:40,454
Well, let me take a lookat it, so to speak.

96
00:04:40,454 --> 00:04:43,848
[clattering]

97
00:04:44,849 --> 00:04:46,286
Where are you?

98
00:04:48,679 --> 00:04:50,855
Is there a doctor
in the house?

99
00:04:50,855 --> 00:04:52,727
Now what is it,
Pierce?

100
00:04:52,727 --> 00:04:55,077
Oh, Frank, I'm glad you'rehere. Go get a doctor.

101
00:04:55,077 --> 00:04:56,687
What are we
trying to do with
this patient, hmm?

102
00:04:56,687 --> 00:04:58,863
Arm wrestle, only I havea slight advantage.

103
00:04:58,863 --> 00:05:00,038
His bandage is too tight.

104
00:05:00,038 --> 00:05:01,692
Oh, I'll take care
of that.

105
00:05:01,692 --> 00:05:03,607
Now let's scoot
back to our bed, okay?

106
00:05:03,607 --> 00:05:05,261
We don't want to botherthe other patients now,

107
00:05:05,261 --> 00:05:06,610
-do we? Hmm?
-Keep it up, Frank.

108
00:05:06,610 --> 00:05:08,482
We'll getour nose busted.

109
00:05:13,487 --> 00:05:15,184
[clattering]

110
00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:19,188
Somebody will be with
you in a minute, okay?

111
00:05:26,543 --> 00:05:28,415
Sorry, just bumping through.

112
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:32,767
Huh, Claude Rains.

113
00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:41,341
I'm Doctor Pierce.
Anybody home?

114
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,646
Hi.

115
00:05:46,128 --> 00:05:48,522
[sighs]

116
00:05:48,522 --> 00:05:50,611
Tell me whatthis says, will you?

117
00:05:50,611 --> 00:05:52,526
You're a real funny man,
aren't you?

118
00:05:52,526 --> 00:05:54,049
Come on, fella,give me a break.

119
00:05:54,049 --> 00:05:55,616
Can't you seeI can't see?

120
00:05:55,616 --> 00:05:57,879
No, no, I can't.

121
00:05:59,141 --> 00:06:00,751
I'm sorry.What happened?

122
00:06:00,751 --> 00:06:04,407
A grenade... landed
10 feet in front of me.

123
00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:07,889
I caught most of the stuff
in the face. And you?

124
00:06:07,889 --> 00:06:11,066
I offered a light toa temperamental gas heater.

125
00:06:11,066 --> 00:06:12,154
I didn't get your name.

126
00:06:12,154 --> 00:06:13,721
Oh, I'm-I'm Tom Straw.

127
00:06:13,721 --> 00:06:15,766
-Hiya.
-Hi.

128
00:06:15,766 --> 00:06:17,464
Hawkeye Pierce.

129
00:06:18,508 --> 00:06:19,814
Where you from, Tom?

130
00:06:19,814 --> 00:06:22,469
-San Francisco.
-Beautiful city.

131
00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:25,341
Yeah. I'm looking
forward to getting back

132
00:06:25,341 --> 00:06:27,865
and not seeing
the Golden Gate.

133
00:06:29,127 --> 00:06:30,477
You tryingto depress me?

134
00:06:30,477 --> 00:06:33,349
No, no. I'm too busy
depressing myself.

135
00:06:35,351 --> 00:06:37,440
Look, you're alive.Maybe you should feel lucky.

136
00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:38,963
Do you feel lucky, Hawkeye?

137
00:06:40,661 --> 00:06:41,966
Not lately.

138
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,101
What'd you doback in San Francisco?

139
00:06:46,101 --> 00:06:47,407
Taught high school English.

140
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,930
Well, you can still teach.

141
00:06:48,930 --> 00:06:50,540
Be grateful you're notan airline pilot

142
00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:52,150
or a truck driver.

143
00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:53,804
Or a doctor.

144
00:06:53,804 --> 00:06:56,024
Right.

145
00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:57,460
Pierce, I thought we agreed

146
00:06:57,460 --> 00:06:58,983
we were going to stayin our bed.

147
00:06:58,983 --> 00:07:00,507
No, we agreed that we
were going to loosen

148
00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:02,204
that kid's bandage. Did we?

149
00:07:02,204 --> 00:07:04,336
-I was on a break.
-Burns, I swear,

150
00:07:04,336 --> 00:07:06,469
I'm a better doctor blindthan you are with both eyes.

151
00:07:06,469 --> 00:07:08,340
-Nurse!
-Yes, Doctor.

152
00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:10,517
Kellye, help me re-bandagethat kid down there.

153
00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:12,736
Then I want you to fill me inon everybody in here.

154
00:07:12,736 --> 00:07:15,130
Frank, you can go back towhat you were doing: nothing.

155
00:07:15,130 --> 00:07:16,348
Ow!

156
00:07:18,220 --> 00:07:19,874
-Where is it?
-Right here.

157
00:07:19,874 --> 00:07:22,006
Colonel, how am I supposedto maintain order in there

158
00:07:22,006 --> 00:07:24,356
with Pierce stumbling aroundtrying to help everyone?

159
00:07:24,356 --> 00:07:25,662
The nurses can't
take a temperature

160
00:07:25,662 --> 00:07:27,229
without reporting
to him first.

161
00:07:27,229 --> 00:07:29,449
And he's always
touching them.

162
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,102
Disgraceful.

163
00:07:31,102 --> 00:07:32,321
Well, he's
got no business

164
00:07:32,321 --> 00:07:33,714
being in there
if he's sick.

165
00:07:33,714 --> 00:07:35,019
I suggest we ship him

166
00:07:35,019 --> 00:07:36,673
-back to the 121st.
-Why?

167
00:07:36,673 --> 00:07:38,414
Well, I'm sure he'd bea lot more comfortable.

168
00:07:39,502 --> 00:07:40,851
I appreciate your concern.

169
00:07:40,851 --> 00:07:42,679
You're right.He should be moved.

170
00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:44,028
Well, thank you.

171
00:07:44,028 --> 00:07:45,290
But I don't think
it's necessary

172
00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:46,857
to take him any fartherthan the Swamp.

173
00:07:46,857 --> 00:07:49,164
-But I--
-And to avoidthe inevitable argument,

174
00:07:49,164 --> 00:07:51,340
dismissed.

175
00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:54,386
"And the rest ofthe family is doing fine.

176
00:07:54,386 --> 00:07:58,390
San... Sandy Falcon,"
I think...

177
00:07:58,390 --> 00:08:01,132
-Yeah.
-"Asked about you.

178
00:08:01,132 --> 00:08:04,788
She still sweats..."
No, no, that's...

179
00:08:04,788 --> 00:08:07,051
Oh, she's sw..."She's
still sweet on you."

180
00:08:07,051 --> 00:08:08,966
-Hmm.
-Who's Sandy Falcon?

181
00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:12,056
A girl who used to dipmy pigtails in the inkwell.

182
00:08:12,056 --> 00:08:13,449
So obnoxious, she was voted

183
00:08:13,449 --> 00:08:15,930
most likely to marryout of her species.

184
00:08:15,930 --> 00:08:19,020
Oh. Uh, "Take care, son.
We're really--"

185
00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:20,325
Hold it, Radar.I'm ready to try again.

186
00:08:20,325 --> 00:08:21,805
-Oh, sir.
-Come on.

187
00:08:21,805 --> 00:08:23,720
I think I can do itthis time. Come on.

188
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,679
Okay.

189
00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:28,986
Here... one, two.

190
00:08:29,944 --> 00:08:32,076
Get outta my light.

191
00:08:35,906 --> 00:08:37,473
Sir, do I haveto chase them again?

192
00:08:37,473 --> 00:08:39,736
No. Let 'em lay there
until they get it right.

193
00:08:39,736 --> 00:08:40,911
Finish reading the letter.

194
00:08:40,911 --> 00:08:42,391
Yes, sir.

195
00:08:42,391 --> 00:08:44,393
Uh, "Take care, son.

196
00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:46,264
We're connecting the dogs--"

197
00:08:46,264 --> 00:08:48,615
That's "counting
the days," Doodles.

198
00:08:48,615 --> 00:08:50,791
Oh, right."We're counting the days.

199
00:08:50,791 --> 00:08:52,314
"All my love."

200
00:08:52,314 --> 00:08:54,142
-Major Burns.
-What?

201
00:08:54,142 --> 00:08:56,361
Major Burnsis coming this way.

202
00:08:56,361 --> 00:08:58,233
[whistling]

203
00:09:04,587 --> 00:09:06,415
Pierce, you disgust me.

204
00:09:06,415 --> 00:09:08,765
That's right, Frank.
I discussed you with
everyone I know.

205
00:09:08,765 --> 00:09:10,724
They all think
you're disgusting.

206
00:09:10,724 --> 00:09:14,075
Handicapped people usuallyknow how to act properly.

207
00:09:14,075 --> 00:09:15,990
Oh, come on, Frank.I'm just trying to keep busy.

208
00:09:15,990 --> 00:09:17,818
Look. I even made your bunk.

209
00:09:18,949 --> 00:09:21,299
Did a good job, Pierce.

210
00:09:21,299 --> 00:09:22,866
But it's not regulation.

211
00:09:22,866 --> 00:09:25,086
The "U.S." goes on theoutside of the blanket.

212
00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:29,656
I wore thiswith just you in mind.

213
00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:31,701
You make me
want to throw up.

214
00:09:31,701 --> 00:09:34,225
See? It pays to dress.

215
00:09:34,225 --> 00:09:37,098
Hawkeye, did you reallymake Major Burns' bunk?

216
00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:39,274
Why not? I'm used toshort-sheeting in the dark.

217
00:09:39,274 --> 00:09:40,884
It's me--
Corporal Klinger.

218
00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:43,060
I heard the hairon your legs rustling.

219
00:09:43,060 --> 00:09:44,627
Hey, Hawk, is it okay if I goover to the Mess Tent?

220
00:09:44,627 --> 00:09:46,281
They got fried shrimp
for lunch,

221
00:09:46,281 --> 00:09:48,022
but you gotta be one ofthe first six guys in line.

222
00:09:48,022 --> 00:09:49,676
Bon appetit.

223
00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:51,678
-That mean yes?
-Yes! Yes.

224
00:09:52,896 --> 00:09:54,071
How you doing, Captain?

225
00:09:54,071 --> 00:09:55,856
I feel as goodas I look.

226
00:09:55,856 --> 00:09:58,119
Hey, Klinger,silk, right?

227
00:09:58,119 --> 00:09:59,903
Always bright and breezy.

228
00:09:59,903 --> 00:10:01,775
Listen, Captain,
I brought you somethin'.

229
00:10:01,775 --> 00:10:03,385
Good. Have her siton the edge of the bed

230
00:10:03,385 --> 00:10:04,691
and tell mewhen you're gone.

231
00:10:04,691 --> 00:10:07,563
Sorry, sir. All I got
for you is this.

232
00:10:07,563 --> 00:10:10,218
In case you ever
need us, just toot.

233
00:10:10,218 --> 00:10:12,176
[duck call]Perfect.

234
00:10:12,176 --> 00:10:13,874
It was either that
or a howitzer.

235
00:10:13,874 --> 00:10:15,484
I can't get my lipsaround a howitzer.

236
00:10:15,484 --> 00:10:16,746
[quack]

237
00:10:16,746 --> 00:10:18,052
Yes, sir.
What can I do for you?

238
00:10:18,052 --> 00:10:19,923
Works like a charm.

239
00:10:19,923 --> 00:10:21,969
Klinger, would you like toescort me to the art museum?

240
00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:23,448
We don't have
an art museum.

241
00:10:23,448 --> 00:10:24,885
Then I'll settlefor the latrine.

242
00:10:24,885 --> 00:10:26,364
Your limo awaits.

243
00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:27,627
Lead on, MacDuff.

244
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,237
[clattering]

245
00:10:29,237 --> 00:10:31,239
-Don't hit that.
-I'm sorry.

246
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:33,633
Low bridge.

247
00:10:35,678 --> 00:10:37,767
-We're outside.
-Uh-huh.

248
00:10:37,767 --> 00:10:40,683
I bet we're drawing staresfrom all the other couples.

249
00:10:40,683 --> 00:10:42,163
I look fabulous,

250
00:10:42,163 --> 00:10:44,426
but you look a trifle
frumpy in your fatigues.

251
00:10:44,426 --> 00:10:46,123
You never looked better to me.

252
00:10:50,824 --> 00:10:52,347
Here we are.

253
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,176
Need any help in there?

254
00:10:55,176 --> 00:10:56,351
Not since I was 2.

255
00:10:56,351 --> 00:10:57,439
Watch your step.

256
00:11:00,355 --> 00:11:02,357
-Corporal Klinger.
-Ma'am.

257
00:11:02,357 --> 00:11:04,272
Colonel Potter wants
to see you on the double.

258
00:11:04,272 --> 00:11:06,622
He needs your help
to pick out a present
for his wife.

259
00:11:06,622 --> 00:11:07,928
I'm kinda busy, Major.

260
00:11:07,928 --> 00:11:09,756
Are you disobeying
an order?

261
00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:11,192
All right, Major,but you'll have to stay here

262
00:11:11,192 --> 00:11:13,629
-and wait for Captain Pierce.-Very well.

263
00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:20,027
-Oh, Margaret.
-That's very good.

264
00:11:20,027 --> 00:11:22,464
It's your perfume:
Moon Over Fort Dix.

265
00:11:22,464 --> 00:11:25,423
It's Forbidden Furlough.Where do you want to go?

266
00:11:25,423 --> 00:11:27,164
Mess Tent. Then after that,

267
00:11:27,164 --> 00:11:28,949
we can go over to your placeand play blindman's bluff.

268
00:11:28,949 --> 00:11:31,734
-Savage.
-[grunting, hooting]

269
00:11:33,214 --> 00:11:34,476
Head.

270
00:11:34,476 --> 00:11:37,435
♪ I'll hear you
in my dreams ♪

271
00:11:37,435 --> 00:11:39,481
♪ Call you in my dreams

272
00:11:39,481 --> 00:11:42,310
♪ Le dee doo doo
da dee da ♪

273
00:11:42,310 --> 00:11:44,616
- Here. You take him.- Right away, Margaret.

274
00:11:44,616 --> 00:11:47,924
I'll bet I'm
the only hot potato
in this entire tent.

275
00:11:47,924 --> 00:11:49,926
Here you go, Hawk.

276
00:11:49,926 --> 00:11:51,711
Oh, how convenient.
It's in Braille.

277
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,495
Now let me tell youwhat they got.

278
00:11:53,495 --> 00:11:55,062
No, no. Let me guess.

279
00:11:55,062 --> 00:11:56,324
Creamed spinach.

280
00:11:56,324 --> 00:11:57,717
Incredible.You can smell it?

281
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,022
No. I could hear it.

282
00:11:59,022 --> 00:12:00,589
Uh, try a little of that.

283
00:12:01,938 --> 00:12:03,331
Last week's bread?

284
00:12:03,331 --> 00:12:05,115
Close.This week's meat loaf.

285
00:12:05,115 --> 00:12:07,683
What you don't eat,they drop on the North Koreans.

286
00:12:07,683 --> 00:12:09,206
Dodgers are down
to their last strike

287
00:12:09,206 --> 00:12:10,730
as Hodges waits
on the two-two pitch.

288
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,035
Hodges.

289
00:12:12,035 --> 00:12:14,255
Maglie delivers. Just inside.

290
00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:15,560
Those Giants stink.

291
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:16,997
I think the Dodgerswill win.

292
00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:18,433
[chuckles]

293
00:12:18,433 --> 00:12:20,043
Oh, what's so funny?

294
00:12:20,043 --> 00:12:21,175
Sir, the Giants
got 'em 3-1.

295
00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:22,785
All they need
is one more out.

296
00:12:22,785 --> 00:12:24,482
Oh?

297
00:12:24,482 --> 00:12:26,963
Oh, well, uh, do you guysever bet on these things?

298
00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:29,444
Okay. 3-1, Giants.
Two outs, two on,

299
00:12:29,444 --> 00:12:32,490
bottom of the ninth. Three and two on Hodges.

300
00:12:32,490 --> 00:12:34,405
Maglie deals. It's cut on

301
00:12:34,405 --> 00:12:36,320
and belted to
deep left field.

302
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:39,193
Back goes Mueller. A-way back to the wall!

303
00:12:39,193 --> 00:12:41,891
It's a three-run homer for Gil Hodges!

304
00:12:41,891 --> 00:12:44,198
The Dodgers go from bums to kings and win 4-3!

305
00:12:44,198 --> 00:12:46,243
[laughing]

306
00:12:46,243 --> 00:12:47,462
Thanks, suckers.

307
00:12:47,462 --> 00:12:49,159
[laughing]

308
00:12:50,987 --> 00:12:52,597
Very good, Frank.

309
00:12:52,597 --> 00:12:55,339
I bet he could have calledthat one in his sleep.

310
00:12:55,339 --> 00:12:56,558
[Frank laughing]

311
00:13:01,171 --> 00:13:02,825
Colonel, have I ever toldyou about our world-famous

312
00:13:02,825 --> 00:13:04,871
Crabapple Cove
Lobster Festival?

313
00:13:04,871 --> 00:13:06,046
Radar!

314
00:13:06,046 --> 00:13:07,743
Go ahead, Hawkeye.I'm listening.

315
00:13:07,743 --> 00:13:10,920
For two days and two nights,3,000 people do nothing

316
00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:13,053
but drink beer
and gorge themselves

317
00:13:13,053 --> 00:13:15,185
on the biggest, reddest,
juiciest lobsters

318
00:13:15,185 --> 00:13:17,057
you've ever seen.

319
00:13:17,057 --> 00:13:19,015
And then at sunset--
Hello, Radar.

320
00:13:19,015 --> 00:13:21,365
-The boats start coming in.-Hold the boats.

321
00:13:21,365 --> 00:13:24,412
Radar, what's this requisitionfor 300 rubber gloves?

322
00:13:24,412 --> 00:13:25,892
We're almost out, sir.

323
00:13:25,892 --> 00:13:27,545
On New Year's Eve,we used them for balloons.

324
00:13:27,545 --> 00:13:29,373
-Oh, yeah.
-I remember one year
it got so cold,

325
00:13:29,373 --> 00:13:32,159
-we bundled up
in rubber gloves.
-Right, Hawk.

326
00:13:32,159 --> 00:13:34,596
Get me that requisitionfor blankets, Radar.

327
00:13:34,596 --> 00:13:36,206
Yes, sir. Right away.

328
00:13:36,206 --> 00:13:37,425
Where were we?

329
00:13:37,425 --> 00:13:39,122
Oh, yeah,
the lobster festival.

330
00:13:39,122 --> 00:13:40,471
Right.

331
00:13:40,471 --> 00:13:42,560
One year I went downto a deserted cove

332
00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:44,345
with, uh, three baskets

333
00:13:44,345 --> 00:13:46,608
and a little homewreckernamed Sharon.

334
00:13:46,608 --> 00:13:49,089
"Sharon Share Alike"we called her.

335
00:13:49,089 --> 00:13:52,135
We were therefor four days.

336
00:13:52,135 --> 00:13:53,833
Never got to the lobster.

337
00:13:55,051 --> 00:13:56,618
[chuckles]

338
00:13:59,099 --> 00:14:01,884
Four days and nevergot to the lobster.

339
00:14:04,060 --> 00:14:05,975
[quack]

340
00:14:05,975 --> 00:14:08,238
Colonel! Radar!

341
00:14:08,238 --> 00:14:09,718
Oh, son, I'm sorry.

342
00:14:09,718 --> 00:14:11,111
I thought I'd only beout for a second.

343
00:14:11,111 --> 00:14:12,982
Forget it. I just got
a little nervous.

344
00:14:12,982 --> 00:14:15,245
It would have been worseif you were here and snoring.

345
00:14:15,245 --> 00:14:17,595
Hawkeye, this
is Radar O'Reilly
speaking to you now.

346
00:14:17,595 --> 00:14:19,075
Uh-huh. How would you
like to take me

347
00:14:19,075 --> 00:14:20,294
for a little walk, Radar?

348
00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:21,686
Wanna hit some more
golf balls?

349
00:14:21,686 --> 00:14:23,384
-No. Post-op.
-Okay.

350
00:14:23,384 --> 00:14:25,081
Colonel, I'll be back laterto tell you the story

351
00:14:25,081 --> 00:14:26,387
about the two priests
and a mule.

352
00:14:26,387 --> 00:14:27,867
You'll get a kick
out of it.

353
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,520
-Door's always open.
-I hope so.

354
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:31,740
Otherwise,
I'll break my nose.

355
00:14:31,740 --> 00:14:33,263
Radar, how'd you like
to get your money back

356
00:14:33,263 --> 00:14:34,612
with Major Burns?

357
00:14:34,612 --> 00:14:35,700
Is this doingsomethin' sneaky?

358
00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:38,051
-Of course.
-Oh, boy.

359
00:14:39,704 --> 00:14:41,184
Here's the bedpost.

360
00:14:41,184 --> 00:14:43,230
-Welcome aboard.
-Thank you, Radar.

361
00:14:43,230 --> 00:14:44,840
It's been wonderful
traveling with you.

362
00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:46,450
Will you be needing me
anymore, sir?

363
00:14:46,450 --> 00:14:47,974
Ah, no, but if you're
ever in town again,

364
00:14:47,974 --> 00:14:49,976
I'll give you a call.
[quack quack]

365
00:14:49,976 --> 00:14:51,238
-Beej?
-Yeah.

366
00:14:51,238 --> 00:14:53,066
How's the, uh,
Straw kid doing?

367
00:14:53,066 --> 00:14:55,198
Okay. We're about to sendhim down to the 121st.

368
00:14:55,198 --> 00:14:56,373
I-I want to see him.

369
00:14:56,373 --> 00:14:58,114
Right away.

370
00:14:58,114 --> 00:15:00,203
-Mr. Straw.
-Yes.

371
00:15:00,203 --> 00:15:02,118
I have here Hawkeye Pierce,

372
00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:03,728
new boy in
your English class.

373
00:15:03,728 --> 00:15:06,035
Ah, yes, Pierce.

374
00:15:06,035 --> 00:15:09,386
Third row, second seat,big mouth.

375
00:15:09,386 --> 00:15:12,737
The very same.
How you doing, Tom?

376
00:15:12,737 --> 00:15:15,218
Not very well.

377
00:15:15,218 --> 00:15:18,961
I tried to write a letterto my wife this morning.

378
00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:21,485
I only got as far
as "Dear Marilyn."

379
00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:24,227
Try "Darling,
I'm coming home."

380
00:15:24,227 --> 00:15:26,099
She'll be thrilled.

381
00:15:26,099 --> 00:15:29,580
How thrilled will she bewhen I tell her the rest?

382
00:15:29,580 --> 00:15:32,105
Don't sell her short.

383
00:15:32,105 --> 00:15:34,977
Captain, which one is"Straw, T.S., Lieutenant"?

384
00:15:34,977 --> 00:15:36,196
Right here.

385
00:15:40,243 --> 00:15:41,244
Movin' out, sir.

386
00:15:41,244 --> 00:15:43,029
Movin' out.

387
00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:44,856
I'd like you towrite to me, Hawkeye.

388
00:15:44,856 --> 00:15:47,207
Only if you promise not
to send the letters
back corrected.

389
00:15:47,207 --> 00:15:49,165
It's a deal.

390
00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:51,298
I really want to knowhow things turn out for you.

391
00:15:51,298 --> 00:15:52,560
Thanks.

392
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,170
Give my regards
to Mill Valley.

393
00:15:54,170 --> 00:15:56,390
And remember me
to Union Square.

394
00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:59,001
So long, guys.

395
00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:00,568
-Bye.
-Bye-bye.

396
00:16:00,568 --> 00:16:02,962
Bye.

397
00:16:07,227 --> 00:16:09,577
Beej, let's get in thejeep and go for a ride.

398
00:16:09,577 --> 00:16:10,708
-You drive.
-Hawkeye.

399
00:16:10,708 --> 00:16:12,145
All right. I'll drive.

400
00:16:12,145 --> 00:16:14,451
Look, will you settledown for five minutes?

401
00:16:14,451 --> 00:16:15,583
Sit down.

402
00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:19,456
I know what you'retryin' to do,

403
00:16:19,456 --> 00:16:20,805
and I know how you feel.

404
00:16:20,805 --> 00:16:22,372
No, I don't think you do.

405
00:16:22,372 --> 00:16:24,113
You don't want to thinkabout what might happen,

406
00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:25,549
so you keep running.

407
00:16:25,549 --> 00:16:27,073
No, that's not it.
That's not it.

408
00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:28,596
No. Look-look-look.
When Doctor Overman

409
00:16:28,596 --> 00:16:30,772
comes in here
and unwraps my package,

410
00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:32,904
I hope to God I'll have
my sight back, but--

411
00:16:35,429 --> 00:16:37,648
Something fascinating's
been happening to me.

412
00:16:37,648 --> 00:16:38,998
What's that, Hawk?

413
00:16:40,651 --> 00:16:42,479
One part of the worldhas closed down for me,

414
00:16:42,479 --> 00:16:44,960
but another part
has opened up.

415
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:47,615
Sure, I-I-I keep
picturing myself

416
00:16:47,615 --> 00:16:49,225
sitting on a corner
with a tin cup

417
00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:50,922
selling thermometers, but...

418
00:16:52,881 --> 00:16:55,231
I'm going through somethinghere I didn't expect.

419
00:16:57,929 --> 00:16:59,583
This morning I spent
two incredible hours

420
00:16:59,583 --> 00:17:02,064
listening to that--
that rainstorm.

421
00:17:04,893 --> 00:17:06,286
And I- And I didn't
just hear it.

422
00:17:06,286 --> 00:17:07,591
I was part of it.

423
00:17:08,766 --> 00:17:09,985
I'll bet you have no idea

424
00:17:09,985 --> 00:17:11,856
that-- that rain
hitting the ground

425
00:17:11,856 --> 00:17:13,641
makes the same sound
as steaks

426
00:17:13,641 --> 00:17:15,121
when they're barbecuing.

427
00:17:16,296 --> 00:17:17,340
Or that...

428
00:17:18,646 --> 00:17:20,604
thunder seems to echo forever.

429
00:17:22,867 --> 00:17:25,131
And you wouldn't believewhat-- how funny it is

430
00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:27,307
to hear somebody slip
and fall in the mud.

431
00:17:27,307 --> 00:17:29,222
I b-- It had to be Burns.

432
00:17:30,658 --> 00:17:32,573
Beej, this is full
of trapdoors,

433
00:17:32,573 --> 00:17:33,791
but I, uh...

434
00:17:35,619 --> 00:17:36,794
I think there may almost be

435
00:17:36,794 --> 00:17:38,753
some kind of advantagein this.

436
00:17:40,624 --> 00:17:43,584
I've never spent a moreconscious day in my life.

437
00:17:47,892 --> 00:17:49,242
All right, Pierce.

438
00:17:49,242 --> 00:17:50,721
This area's been
deemed off-limits

439
00:17:50,721 --> 00:17:52,201
to personnel
in your condition,

440
00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:53,768
and I'm giving youone minute to clear out,

441
00:17:53,768 --> 00:17:55,074
-starting now.
-Frank.

442
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,336
Fifty-five seconds
and counting.

443
00:17:56,336 --> 00:17:58,294
Frank, do us
a favor and defect.

444
00:17:58,294 --> 00:17:59,382
All right.
That's it, Mister.

445
00:17:59,382 --> 00:18:00,862
No more chances. Orderly!

446
00:18:00,862 --> 00:18:02,429
All right, Frank.
Here we go!

447
00:18:02,429 --> 00:18:03,691
This is your one chance
for a fair fight.

448
00:18:03,691 --> 00:18:05,519
Oh, you askedfor it, Pierce.

449
00:18:05,519 --> 00:18:07,042
I can take you
with both eyes tied
behind my back.

450
00:18:07,042 --> 00:18:08,435
-Easy, easy, easy!
-Who's this?

451
00:18:08,435 --> 00:18:09,697
-It's me.
-Where's Frank?

452
00:18:09,697 --> 00:18:12,047
Able! Nurse! Nurse Able!

453
00:18:12,047 --> 00:18:13,614
Do me a favor. Get him
outta here, will you?

454
00:18:13,614 --> 00:18:16,399
Say something, Frank,so I'll know where to spit!

455
00:18:16,399 --> 00:18:17,574
Who's this?

456
00:18:17,574 --> 00:18:19,010
Able, it's Able.

457
00:18:19,010 --> 00:18:21,491
He's lucky
you stepped in.

458
00:18:21,491 --> 00:18:23,363
You're lucky I didn'tlet him kill you.

459
00:18:26,931 --> 00:18:28,933
Girls, we have company.

460
00:18:28,933 --> 00:18:30,326
Oh, hi, Hawkeye.

461
00:18:30,326 --> 00:18:32,372
At ease. Smoke 'em
if you got 'em.

462
00:18:34,461 --> 00:18:36,463
Oh! Gotta be
Bigelow.

463
00:18:36,463 --> 00:18:38,813
-How'd you know?
-Never mind.

464
00:18:38,813 --> 00:18:40,423
What can we getfor you, Hawkeye?

465
00:18:40,423 --> 00:18:43,165
I just had it a second ago.

466
00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:45,515
Listen. Uh, could he come
back in a little while?

467
00:18:45,515 --> 00:18:47,430
I was gonna undress
and take a shower.

468
00:18:47,430 --> 00:18:48,866
Well, don't
let me stop you.

469
00:18:48,866 --> 00:18:50,390
I won't see anything.

470
00:18:50,390 --> 00:18:52,261
And you can throw me outif I so much as drool.

471
00:18:52,261 --> 00:18:53,349
Go on.

472
00:18:54,394 --> 00:18:55,569
That's one.

473
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,051
Well, I can't do it
with him in here.

474
00:19:00,051 --> 00:19:02,576
Oh, come on, Lieutenant.He can't see anything.

475
00:19:02,576 --> 00:19:05,840
Okay, Hawkeye,
but no more comments.

476
00:19:06,884 --> 00:19:08,973
[humming striptease music]

477
00:19:11,019 --> 00:19:12,063
It's no good.

478
00:19:12,063 --> 00:19:13,456
D'you want more sax?

479
00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:15,241
Oh, forget it, Hawkeye.
Come on.

480
00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:16,546
You gotta get outta here.

481
00:19:16,546 --> 00:19:17,721
Wait a second.Wait a minute.

482
00:19:17,721 --> 00:19:19,158
Wait a minute,wait a minute.

483
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,289
Chopper's coming.

484
00:19:30,778 --> 00:19:32,693
[chuckles]

485
00:19:32,693 --> 00:19:34,869
It's a pleasure working
in here today, sir.

486
00:19:34,869 --> 00:19:36,262
How so, Major?

487
00:19:36,262 --> 00:19:38,699
Well, we're busy,
lots of casualties.

488
00:19:38,699 --> 00:19:39,830
Terrific.

489
00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:41,354
And no sign of Pierce.

490
00:19:41,354 --> 00:19:42,877
[laughs]

491
00:19:46,663 --> 00:19:48,056
Party's over, Frank.

492
00:19:48,056 --> 00:19:49,753
Sir, isn't it
against regulations

493
00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:51,407
to have a blind man
in surgery?

494
00:19:52,452 --> 00:19:53,670
Ask Captain Pierce.

495
00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:54,845
He's chief surgeon.

496
00:19:54,845 --> 00:19:56,020
Be nice, Frank.

497
00:19:56,020 --> 00:19:57,892
I'll let you sign my face.

498
00:19:57,892 --> 00:19:59,328
[scoffs]

499
00:19:59,328 --> 00:20:01,243
Boy here took a bulletin the abdomen.

500
00:20:01,243 --> 00:20:02,766
Yeah? What are the damages?

501
00:20:02,766 --> 00:20:03,985
Not too serious.

502
00:20:03,985 --> 00:20:05,247
Lacerated iliac artery.

503
00:20:05,247 --> 00:20:06,901
-Clamp.
-Clamp.

504
00:20:06,901 --> 00:20:08,468
Wonder what the patientwould think if he woke up

505
00:20:08,468 --> 00:20:09,773
and saw me standing over him.

506
00:20:09,773 --> 00:20:10,948
He'd know he wasin the army.

507
00:20:10,948 --> 00:20:13,081
-Clamp.
-Clamp.

508
00:20:13,081 --> 00:20:15,605
Beej, you oughta
sit back sometime

509
00:20:15,605 --> 00:20:17,912
and listen to the war.

510
00:20:17,912 --> 00:20:19,348
It sounds as bad as it looks.

511
00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:20,828
Are you ready
to close, Doctor?

512
00:20:20,828 --> 00:20:22,133
Was that intestine perforated?

513
00:20:22,133 --> 00:20:24,266
I'm getting
a whiff of bowel.

514
00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:25,354
I ran it. It was okay,

515
00:20:25,354 --> 00:20:27,226
but I wantedto check it again.

516
00:20:28,575 --> 00:20:30,838
You're right.There's a small nick.

517
00:20:32,143 --> 00:20:34,189
Who was that masked man?

518
00:20:43,503 --> 00:20:45,418
HAWKEYE:
Indians lead it 5-4

519
00:20:45,418 --> 00:20:47,333
in the bottom of the ninth.

520
00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:49,465
One out, and the Yanks better get something going here.

521
00:20:49,465 --> 00:20:51,989
-[imitating crowd noises]-Rizutto steps back in.

522
00:20:51,989 --> 00:20:54,557
The pitch...
swung on and missed.

523
00:20:54,557 --> 00:20:56,690
Strike two.

524
00:20:56,690 --> 00:20:58,039
O and 2 to Rizutto.

525
00:20:58,039 --> 00:21:00,346
Big Bob Lemon
goes into his windup.

526
00:21:00,346 --> 00:21:02,217
-[imitating crowd noises]-Here comes the pitch.

527
00:21:02,217 --> 00:21:05,089
-[knock]-Line drive! Base hit to left!

528
00:21:05,089 --> 00:21:07,396
How about that!
Listen to that crowd!

529
00:21:07,396 --> 00:21:10,051
-[imitating crowd noises]-It's 5-4, Indians.

530
00:21:10,051 --> 00:21:12,053
One out in the
bottom of the ninth.

531
00:21:12,053 --> 00:21:13,576
Coming up for the
Yankees, Gil McDougal.

532
00:21:13,576 --> 00:21:15,317
Red Hots!Get your Red Hots!

533
00:21:15,317 --> 00:21:17,841
Peanuts here! Goulash!

534
00:21:17,841 --> 00:21:21,454
Here's the next pitch.
Swung on and missed.

535
00:21:21,454 --> 00:21:22,890
Strike one.

536
00:21:22,890 --> 00:21:24,065
The infield looks for a bunt.

537
00:21:24,065 --> 00:21:25,719
What do you say, kid?
You and me now.

538
00:21:25,719 --> 00:21:27,547
Here, burn it in.
Right in here.
Come on, baby.

539
00:21:27,547 --> 00:21:29,200
Windup and the pitch.

540
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:30,637
Swing and a miss. Strike two.

541
00:21:30,637 --> 00:21:32,203
[knock]

542
00:21:32,203 --> 00:21:34,380
Wait a minute.
He caught part of it.

543
00:21:34,380 --> 00:21:35,859
Ball rolls down to short.

544
00:21:35,859 --> 00:21:38,253
Picked up, over to second, back to first.

545
00:21:38,253 --> 00:21:41,822
Double play. Cleveland wins it 5-4.

546
00:21:41,822 --> 00:21:45,956
That score again--Cleveland 5, Yankees 4.

547
00:21:45,956 --> 00:21:47,654
That'll do it for tonight.

548
00:21:47,654 --> 00:21:50,265
This is Bryan Moxey
signing off.

549
00:21:50,265 --> 00:21:52,659
This program will be
repeated at 1200 hours

550
00:21:52,659 --> 00:21:55,966
on the Armed Forces
Radio Network.

551
00:21:55,966 --> 00:21:57,577
[playing tone]

552
00:22:00,449 --> 00:22:02,712
Sorry I was late, Hawkeye.I couldn't get a chopper.

553
00:22:02,712 --> 00:22:04,192
That's all right.I was just sitting around

554
00:22:04,192 --> 00:22:05,846
listening to myself sweat.

555
00:22:12,069 --> 00:22:14,333
Now, Hawkeye,
shade your eyes.

556
00:22:21,470 --> 00:22:23,603
Now open them slowly.

557
00:22:33,961 --> 00:22:35,397
Well?

558
00:22:37,573 --> 00:22:38,966
Five, right?

559
00:22:38,966 --> 00:22:40,881
Yeah. [chuckle]

560
00:22:40,881 --> 00:22:43,187
They work.

561
00:22:43,187 --> 00:22:45,102
[all congratulating]

562
00:22:45,102 --> 00:22:47,583
MAN [on P.A.]: Here's the results of yesterday's game.

563
00:22:47,583 --> 00:22:49,368
Yanks 8, Indians 1.

564
00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:51,152
For those who'd
like to collect,

565
00:22:51,152 --> 00:22:52,936
Major Burns is in post-op.

566
00:22:52,936 --> 00:22:54,329
Well, that score
can't be right.

567
00:22:54,329 --> 00:22:55,939
I listened to
the game and...

568
00:22:55,939 --> 00:22:57,506
[quacking]

569
00:22:57,506 --> 00:22:59,073
Major...

570
00:22:59,073 --> 00:23:00,944
Frank, I want
my $10 now!

571
00:23:00,944 --> 00:23:02,946
[all shouting]

572
00:23:04,426 --> 00:23:06,428
Thanks.

573
00:23:06,428 --> 00:23:08,299
-Thanks, Major.
-Thanks, Jim.

574
00:23:15,350 --> 00:23:16,656
That compound is themost beautiful thing

575
00:23:16,656 --> 00:23:18,962
I've ever seen.

576
00:23:18,962 --> 00:23:21,878
Congratulations, Hawkeye.
You're a lucky guy.

577
00:23:21,878 --> 00:23:24,925
Yeah, I got lucky twice.

578
00:23:24,925 --> 00:23:26,405
First I got the chanceto see without my eyes,

579
00:23:26,405 --> 00:23:28,842
and then I got 'em back.

580
00:23:28,842 --> 00:23:30,800
FRANK:Aw, come on, you guys!

581
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:33,847
-Wait a minute!
-[shouting]

582
00:23:51,430 --> 00:23:52,779
Nurses?

583
00:23:52,779 --> 00:23:54,607
Hawkeye, what happened?

584
00:23:54,607 --> 00:23:55,651
Temporary relapse.

585
00:23:55,651 --> 00:23:57,218
They were working
okay this morning,

586
00:23:57,218 --> 00:23:58,393
and then they went.

587
00:23:58,393 --> 00:23:59,960
-[groaning]
-How awful.

588
00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:01,614
Well, it's not permanent.

589
00:24:01,614 --> 00:24:03,354
The, uh, the doctor saysthey'll be okay in a few days.

590
00:24:03,354 --> 00:24:05,052
You poor guy.

591
00:24:05,052 --> 00:24:06,836
Well, what can I
tell you, girls?

592
00:24:06,836 --> 00:24:08,447
I need all the
sympathy I can get.

593
00:24:08,447 --> 00:24:10,144
Well, is there
something we can do?

594
00:24:10,144 --> 00:24:11,711
No, you just go ahead and dowhatever you were doing.

595
00:24:11,711 --> 00:24:13,190
You know, uh, set your hair,

596
00:24:13,190 --> 00:24:15,279
iron your undies,
get undressed.

597
00:24:15,279 --> 00:24:18,848
Oh, isn't it awful?
A relapse.

598
00:24:18,848 --> 00:24:20,546
Maybe we couldcure it.

599
00:24:20,546 --> 00:24:21,634
How?

600
00:24:24,027 --> 00:24:25,507
I don't think I
should have done that.

601
00:24:25,507 --> 00:24:27,117
Out!

602
00:24:27,117 --> 00:24:28,728
-Watch it! Watch it!
-Get him outta here!

603
00:24:28,728 --> 00:24:30,120
Watch the eyes!

604
00:24:30,120 --> 00:24:32,122
[all shouting]

605
00:24:36,431 --> 00:24:39,042
[theme music playing]